Before I was a writer – and even as a young child – I wrote letters to my various aunts and uncles, grandmothers, my parents and my siblings. This was something I was taught was part of “good manners.” You always sent a card or a letter for someone’s birthday and you always sent a thank you note when you received a gift.
But beyond that, I wrote long letters to many friends, consistently, through the years. This was how we kept in touch as long-distance phone calls were kind of expensive.
Well, I saved those letters and they have traveled with me through many changes of residence and decades of growing older. I recently decided to go through the five boxes of letters in my garage which were, actually, in very good condition. And in the process of cataloging each letter and card into various groupings, I decided to reread them — and what a discovery this was!
I have letters from friends in high school and throughout my college years, and reading the contents of what they wrote to me was a strong reminder of what my life was like at that point in time. Clearly, it was about my priorities of having friends, being comfortable with the changes that were going on in my life and getting through, sometimes difficult studying and learning periods, by spending time in nightclubs with friends listening to our favorite bands. Music was, and still is, an important part of my life (though I admit, I do far less of this than I did when I was young!).
Some of the letters were sad, such as those I received from a close friend who had a drug problem and spent time in a mental health center trying to clean up her act. Unfortunately, she died young – only making it to the age of 21. It was a sad reminder that some of us don’t get a full life.
I also have many letters from my late, older sister, Nancy, who was always there for me when I needed someone to talk to. She was my mentor, the person who I most admired, and she was the only person I told about my private life. My sister died when she was 40 and I was 37-years-old. It was very difficult losing her to cancer, but I have her letters, well preserved in envelopes, to read and re-read whenever I want to be reminded of the love we shared.
One of the most interesting things that came out of reading my old letters was that my perspective on the past drastically changed in regards to the way I viewed my mother. For years, my mom and I had a difficult relationship where we never seemed to see eye-to-eye. But in reading her many beautiful and thoughtful letters to me, I realized that she expressed an abundance of unconditional love to me that some of us are lucky enough to receive in this life.
Because I have saved these letters, I now have a whole new way of looking at my relationship with my mom, who I appreciate and love. I had to take ownership of my own behavior to reach this point but I could only do so because I had a record of our communication through the years. This showed me that my memory wasn’t very accurate as it was based on my emotional state at a much younger age in my life. Thank God, I still have time to make it up to my Mom, who is now 92-years-old!
Finally, I wanted to share a conversation I had with a young woman just this week. She is an intern at a company that I am providing Memoir Writing services to, and she was interviewing me for a blog. This young woman, who is a student at USC in their Masters program, asked me what made the biggest impact on me in my decision to become a writer. And that’s when I told her about the five boxes of letters, I have kept all these years.
She listened attentively and then she said to me, “I have never received a letter like what you described. My grandmother has sent me some cards, but apart from that, I have never gotten a handwritten letter.”
Well, I was floored! I had no idea that young people didn’t write letters to one another, but it makes sense: they use apps to text to one another but don’t pick up a pen or a piece of stationary to write to each other because it would take “too long.”
Today’s preferred communication mode is about “instant gratification” – getting your message out in seconds and getting a response just as quickly. There’s no waiting for a letter in the mail anymore; there are no birthday cards or letters written; and sadly, there’s no permanent record of their communications to read when they get older; no boxes of letters from people who they have loved and known through their lives.
I know that most people would agree that writing letters is a LOST ART. But I still believe in writing to my close friends and relatives because seeing someone’s handwriting on the page is very different from reading an email. Your handwriting shows emotion, it’s your individual style, and it means so much more when you make the effort to write a letter to someone that they can open and read.
So, I’m sharing this to, hopefully, influence others to take the time to write to the people who you care about. Sure, you can send a text, a post or an email faster, but in the end, it’s the letters you write that have meaning and that are there for you and for them to read, as I am doing now, in my life.
And, if you are lucky, you might get some surprises from rereading them or at least gain perspective on what you were like when you wrote that note or letter. I wish you well!
